Ok, I’ll stick my hand’s up, I do have a problem with
Christmas.
I am not a grumpy old
man at Christmas, I am just a grumpy man at Christmas. I just hate it, I may go
along with all the so called “traditional” things like Christmas dinner, presents
and booze, but it is somewhat begrudgingly.
I still think the festive period is a Pagan festival
hijacked by the Christians. But hey, people will disagree with me.
The poet Lucian of Samosata (AD 120-180) has the god
Cronos (Saturn) say in his poem, Saturnalia: ‘During my week the serious is
barred: no business allowed. Drinking and being drunk, noise and games of dice,
appointing of kings and feasting of slaves, singing naked, clapping … an
occasional ducking of corked faces in icy water – such are the functions over
which I preside.’
Saturnalia originated as a farmer’s festival to mark the
end of the autumn planting season in honour of Saturn (satus means sowing).
Numerous archaeological sites from the Roman coastal province of Constantine,
now in Algeria, demonstrate that the cult of Saturn survived there until the
early third century AD.
So what does 21st Century Christmas give us? Mass
panic buying of things people don’t want; mass panic of eating so much you can’t
move; mass panic of drinking excess alcohol that you fall out with family and
friends; mass crap on TV which makes you wonder why you bother.
I could go on, but what’s the point. But let’s do a few
things in some sort of order.
Shops and Advertising: As soon as All Hallows’ Eve is done and
dusted, what’s next? Christmas. Talk about pumping things down your throat,
it’s November for crying out loud. Someone told me once that Christmas doesn’t
start until you see the Coke advert. Are we really influenced that much?
Before we even get into December something called “Black
Friday” appears on our screens, followed closely by “Cyber Monday”. Can someone
tell me what’s it all about? More mass panic, people getting up at the crack of
dawn to queue outside stores to get something because it’s half price or
whatever.
To be fair, I have had a bargain of two from Black Friday,
but what happens when I got home? Switch the TV on and you’ll find a consumer
programme or two saying that was the price back in January anyway. Thought I
got a bargain, and it kicks me in the shins!
End of the day they want us to part with money. Money they
rather be in their pocket than ours. I do not get sucked into it, I would
rather have a pint of cider or two, go out for a meal than be conned into
something I don’t want.
Then all the way through December we have adverts for this,
adverts for that, just to make us spend money. Just please go away, I am not
interested.What next over the festive period, Boxing Day Sales, New
Year Sales! More things rammed down your throat, more money to spend on so
called bargains, that is you waited until after Christmas to buy your
screwdriver it would be 50% cheaper.
So here am I, sat down on Christmas afternoon, with my new
screwdriver, watching an advert on TV saying that I can get that particular
brand 50% cheaper than what it would’ve been before Christmas, I think I know
how I would feel.
I suppose I could go back, get a refund, then buy the exact
same one 50% cheaper. But I don’t expect it works like that!
Yes, the meaning of Christmas is lost, presents has become
an awful word in my limited vocabulary, especially if you put the word
Christmas before it.
Every year we ask the question to our nearest and dearest
“what you want for Christmas?” They tell us and we go out and buy it. Why not
just cut out the middleman, buy it yourself and it just saves less hassle.
So there I am handing out presents to whoever over the
festive period, the majority of recipients say thank you. But there is always
one. Ok, I do get grumpy, I do begrudge in buying things, but when I do, please
say thank you. It does mean something.
On to television. What a load of rubbish I have to sit
through on Christmas Day. No decent films, light entertainment or just anything
to stimulate me. Good job I can turn it off and stick on some music. One year,
there was so much trash on the telly, I was flicking through the channels and
found Chas and Dave Christmas Knees Up. Brilliant, even though it was for the
80’s, this is what I want.
Morecambe and Wise, The Two Ronnie’s, bring it on, proper
entertainment with plenty of laughter. And why are all the good films on when I
am at work. Ok, I know I have seen them before, but I do like to watch films
like The Great Escape, It’s a Wonderful Life and Citizen Kane (not shown enough
on TV for my liking).
I remember one Christmas, a Christmas I was under the
weather, I watched seven films on Christmas Day, and I hardly had a drop to
drink!
Work parties is another bug bear of mine when it comes to
the festive season. Gone are the days when you had a party in the office you
work (health and safety took care of that), no more photocopying your backside,
no more abusing managers after a glass of the strong stuff and things like
that.
Nowadays a meal at the local pub / restaurant, followed by a
few at other pubs around town. The only problem with that is that not everyone
will go (some years even myself). But not everyone likes the sit down meal
thing, they want to do something else which other think that is a bad idea.
Unfortunately you cannot please all of the people all of the
time.
Who the hell decided Christmas bloody jumpers was a
Christmas idea. They are just hideous and can someone tell me, what is the point
of them? Something which is worn begrudgingly once a year, just why? Someone, somewhere
has cornered the market there.
If I had a choice, I would spend Christmas on a remote island
in the middle of the Indian Ocean, with music for company.
